A game designed to achieve maximum interactivity with a Japanese girl who possessed a limited command of the English: her name, the word "yes", and "shut up".
You begin by asking her name, when she replies, you say "No, it's not". When she counters with "Yes", reply simply with "No". Continue back and forth until she gets fed up and tells you to "shut up".
For some reason, this provided hours of amusement for much of the school.

A summer game. When the grass has grown, choose an area of ground for your Sidney Home. Gather some friends (or people who like spitting), and get them to hack up a load of greenies onto the plot. Cover this with ripped up grass, and repeat. Once you are happy with your home, and have enough friends to feel safe, throw someone weak onto the Sidney Home. Usually Patrick Sears.

A sidney home with more than five floors.

Silence in the courtyards,
Silence in the streets.
The biggest gob in England,
Is just about to speak.
Starting from........NOW!
Often used in classrooms as a teacher approaches, or in shared rooms to shut people up and allow sleep. In some versions of this game, however, sound effects are allowed, as long as they don't form words. So those attempting to sleep will be kept awake by cacophonic grunting.

One fellow pupil advocated the use of his mother's "silks" as a masturbation aid. We were never quite sure what was supposed to happen with the underwear, until he demonstrated what became known as "the silks dance" with a pair of imaginary tights. The dance is too complex to describe here – just imagine a boy fucking a stocking and you’re not too far off.

Series of music books, filled with retarded songs that kids were meant to sing instead of hymns during assembly in our Godless primary school. The only tunes I can remember from it were:

Jiggle jiggle jiggle jiggle/
Jiggle jiggle jiggle/
Little sack o' sugar I could eat you up.

And

I went down to a party/
It was me and Ben and Mack/
And before I knew what happened/
I got an itching on my back/
Scratch, scratch my back.

Sure, the music was safe from the oppressive spectre of religion, but boyhowdy did it suck. Why couldn't I have gone to a Catholic school? Knee socks, kilts, Latin and enforced cunnlingus, surrounded by all that fabulous stained glass and gigantic gold bleeding Jesuses. Hosannah! Hosaaaaaaaannah! I'd have LOVED that. And nuns. Nuns are way cool.

The popular assembly hymn in which all the infants wonderfully and as one sang "of kings..." at the end of the chorus, their voices trailing off as they realise there isn't another "of kings" there.

The name for a child, most likely of special educational needs, who is found masturbating in the school room by a girl, but resolutely completes the deed while she dithers between running off to tell and watching in slack-jawed paralysis.

Craig Eady shouted this at our art teacher while standing approximately six inches behind him.
Sir's reaction proved that he was entirely, or at least partially, deaf.

Pupils of opposite sexes were required, by this ridiculous rule, to remain no less than six inches apart whilst on the school's premises. Frequent were the boasts of male pupils that they could be get intimate with their girlfriends, whilst remaining six inches apart, as they were "hung like a donkey".

There's every chance that we did know what our woodwork teacher meant, when he said "pack it in or i'll stick my size nine up your backsides". There's a considerable possibility that we knew he meant his shoe, in a non-penetrative sense.
But we never let him know that.

A game similar to 'Scissors Paper Stone'.
Option 1 (denoted by making a fist) - look at a reflection of a photo of Sket's mum, one where shes not facing the camera, from 2 miles away.
Option 2 (denoted by a flat palm) - get done in the bum by the entire New Zealand rugby team, whilst being watched by a couple of silverback gorillas, who then join in for seconds.
3
2
1
Everyone shows a flat palm, even Sket.

Brown Y-fronts invariably had skid marks (actual evidence was unneccesary for conviction) as did any undergarment with a even a suggestion of yellow piping. Strong correlations were found between those sporting lobsters at swimming practive and the presence of skid marks thus causing prolonged embarrassment. Further etymological and historical research can be undertaken if necessary.

Areas of compacted snow used for highly territorial skidding. What, you were expecting shitty streaks on your knickers or something?

Once, we were in the changing room after a games lesson . For some bizarre reason, Steven Maule had taken off his kegs and left them on the floor. Upon further inspection, we noticed they were covered in skid marks. When challenged about this, young Mauley offered the following by way of explanation: "It's not my fault, my brother had them on yesterday".

Highly competitive activity where the winner was the one who could piss the highest up the wall of the toilet block. The resulting winning stream was marked off with chalk on the wall. Strange how the sense of occasion meant that we only pissed on the outside of the toilet block, as if that was OK. This was an exciting past-time, the enjoyment of which could be vastly increased if a competitor acheived a 'Lucozade'. See also "lucozade".

Jackie Tyler wanked off Beanie Baker and Rob Chatwin at the same time. "It was like skiing," she confessed.

To be skil with one l means that you have no balls. Usefully, they are both pronounced "skill", so you don't really have to reveal which skill you're using until you have your answer.

An excellent ruse. This involved asking a victim if they had "Skill". They would warily answer yes, which was a mistake. Skill, it was hilariously revealed, is an African bum-disease. The victim was of course trapped by the initial question, as to not have Skill was an obvious admission of being a total gaylord. (Interestingly, both definitions called it an African Bum Disease)

The original counter-strike;
Q : Have you got skill?
A : Yes.
Q : Ha ha, skill is an African Bum Disease!
A : No, I've got the skill that's in the dictionary...
Was finally conquered by the counter-counter-strike...
Q : Yeah, the African medical dictionary!

In extreme cases of skill, the surname McGill may be added.

Confusing. Skill on its own meant something good, used in the same context as ace, or mint. A skiller, however, was somebody who was completely crap at a given task. Look, I don't make the rules.

A glorious juxtaposition of 'brilliant' and 'Skill', and more than the sum of its parts. Recently re-adopted into my modern vernacular via the discovery of a tipp-exed cherry is skillient on a GCSE history folder.

Skinny banana long legs with webbed feet,
Went to the pictures and couldn't find a seat,
When the pictures started everybody farted,
Skinny banana long legs with webbed feet.
But what happened next? I'm not sure if I'd have stopped and watched the film. Not standing up.

Sounds innocent enough, but at our school the term 'sliding' was invented after Mark Myers climbed up the ladder of a playground slide, and did a shit at the top. He then pissed around the shit, causing the excretia to descend the slide like a kind of warm piss and shit log* flume.

In a vain attempt to achieve equal glory, Craig Campbell-Ace crapped onto the lower part of the slide, but only managed to produce tidy little nuggets and immediately demanded toilet paper.

Not quite the urine soaked, rock 'n' roll finish we gave Mark credit for.

*I know.